Tuesday, May 15, 2012

it's over

Today was just one of those days. I start to feel overwhelmed, I text him. It's only 10:05am "I'm slowly becoming overwhelmed," I say. But he's working. The next text I get from him is at 3:48pm, "Be home at 5, got a ride." The universe just throws me a hand now and then, and it comes in little less obvious forms sometimes.

I woke up to the sound of #1 busting out of her room at 630ish. The door gets jammed, we should fix that. She dragged her Hannah Montana blanket out with her. Ol' Hannah. Glad we grew out of that phase in one piece. She laid on the couch next to me and #4, sleeping soundly. Out of all the room on the huge couch, she still wants to be next to us.

Within a minute, #2 follows her big sister's trail but veers off in her usual, somewhat obsessive, direction. I hear the familiar sound of a soda can being checked for remaining fluid. "HA, got you," I think to myself. "Get out of the kitchen" I say from the couch in the loud but still not quite yelling voice I have been perfecting. I try to sound as serious and stern as dad, but still hold back in fear of being too harsh over something so innocent, as almost all of their actions are rationalized by me. Or so I hear. "Mama, I'm so starving, I really am, please I can't wait," right on cue. "You'll be okay for a few minutes," I take a lesson from dad, once again. She sits and asks for Scooby-Doo, again.

I lay still until I send #1 off to get ready from my small cocoon that #4 keeps me in. She's like a magnet for snuggles. Just as expected, I soon hear the familiar "Maaama!" coming from #3 because her sister is in the bathroom, which shares a wall with her room. Maybe we should move her crib to the other side. Nah, she'd probably learn to open the window and crawl out. She loves being outside.

My day was beautiful because they were all a part of it. This is another page in my story. I tended to their wounds today, 3 of them have what I call, active wounds. #1 has this bug-bite-gone-awry, #3 busted her chin while standing on a kid's ikea stool apparently reaching for the sky, and #2 found a mark on her body after a long search just so she could get some of my TLC, too. Of course I gave it to her.

Sometimes I have to take a few deep breaths because there are four of them, needing me at once. Not just someone, but me. Attention. I am practicing the art of dividing it, keeping it quality, and enjoying it. This is it. That was my day.

I love them. Tonight they sleep, tomorrow they will wake. We will do a very similar routine, but I will smile at each expected turn.

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