my mother, this woman.

I know my mother. I know her very well, perhaps sometimes better than she knows herself. I have been her student all of my life. I have studied her, the way my children study me. I can visualize the way she sits, and the way she laughs when she finds something exceptionally funny. She closes her eyes tight, and covers her mouth with her hand. She always tears up when she laughs really hard. She proceeds to wipe her eyes while the laughing slowly subsides, but it often starts up again. I can see her in my mind, the way she eats, methodically handling her utensils in a pattern I'm not even sure she realizes exists. I have all these mental pictures I hope that I can keep forever. Especially because I know the way that thoughts of my grandma make her cry. She misses her mother. I will one day, as well. I hope that I will always have the picture in my mind's eye- of her fluffing her bangs, and applying her lipstick. "Even just a little bit of lipstick goes a long way", she'd tell me. I can still see her putting it on, the way she shapes her mouth. As a young girl this was the bulk of my mother's beauty regimen. Sure there were little jars and tubes with beauty masks and other magical potions, not to mention the crazy contraptions like tweezers and eyelash curlers that every little girl horrifically discovers. Or maybe it was just me. Fascinated, yet apprehensive that these things were really valuable or necessary. Perhaps it was her natural approach to beauty however, that inspired my own. All she needed to feel beautiful was lipstick most of the time. And she was. I can still remember when she would wear shorts, she had the most beautiful legs. I still remember sitting in the front seat of one of her cars and noticing how smooth her skin was. Her beautiful brown skin. I inherited my father's light skin color, but I've always been drawn to this beautiful shade of brown that I was nurtured by. Perhaps that is why I ended up with a man who has a similar shade of skin, and also explains why I was so touched when my youngest baby was born with the same beautiful color. In a world where skin color represents and has dictated many things, for me it means beauty- it always has. I identify with it at a basic, almost spiritual level because it is the backdrop from which my life story began and it is here in which it continues.  

I've been wanting to write about this force in my life for quite some time. My mother, this woman. Although my parents were divorced since I was young, I was lucky enough to have both of them in my life on an extremely regular basis. As an adult, I can see the impact and force that they've had in my life, and I can see how their contributions to my person-hood are reflected in my choices. For example, if it weren't for my parents I wouldn't have been looking for a home to buy, on my own at age 25. My dad contributed in the sense that he taught me how to build my credit, and protect it. He was the practical force he should have been- and prepared me for the option of being a homeowner. My mother on the other hand, was the less obvious force. At a time when the economy was volatile and most people were wondering if purchasing real estate was the right decision, she pushed me with a simple idea that she has always made a part of her own modus operandi. She encouraged me to take a risk in life, and that if I always err on the side of caution that I might miss out on exceptional opportunities. Life is too short for that. I understood. And here I am. Lucky enough to have a beautiful home with lots of space and in a safe area to raise my children. I have a terrible memory but these memories of her are so vivid. I still remember what it felt like to snuggle in her bed, or her nest, as we called it. I remember reading Steinbeck and Hemingway, tucked under her wing at a very young age. She always made a conscious effort to expose us to ideas of culture and encourage our intellectual development. I owe my own intentional notions of motherhood to her.

I am always aware of the impact I have on my own daughters. I know they are my students, the same way that I was hers, and still am to a degree. Because of this- I am able to see that the decisions I make everyday matter to them now, and in their future. As parents, no matter how old our children are- even when they are grown- even if we are not required to "parent" them anymore- our decisions and actions will continue to affect them, at an exceptional level. Our presence or absence in their lives as children and adults, through death or by choice will send them messages about themselves, their worth as individuals, and their place in the world. The relationships we have with them, around them, and even without them will impact the way they raise and love their own children. This is why the responsibility of parenting is so enormous, it truly never ends. Things may not always be picture perfect, people are not capable of being perfect, and we all make a varying degree of poor choices- but as we grow and learn we have to reflect on the value of the outcomes we create for our children. Just like my mother contributed to my life and the development of my character, we are all doing the same for our children for the rest of our lives.

Today is my mother's birthday. A few years shy of 60, I know her life is in an entirely different place than it was when I was born, but she still loves me. She is still around, when she could be anywhere. She has always been a free spirit sort of woman, always wanting to move and discover and live fully- but her roots have kept her anchored. Now, she is more anchored than ever, because she is raising one of my nephews. In her fifties, this woman had to start all over again. She does it out of love, but it isn't easy. Yet she does it. She sacrifices. That takes strength and selflessness. She is still teaching me lessons, and I imagine she will always do so.

So on this day, I say not only Happy Birthday to my beautiful mother, I say thank you, I love you, and I know you. My sensitive, smart, and loving mother.

The Paleo Way-leo

After reading my first post, I thought I jumped the gun a little. I intended to do a quick intro of a new way of healthy eating and I presented it like this new diet I found. I think my problem comes with the word "diet". I have never been on a diet, nor had I ever thought I would follow one. I still don't want to put in the mental energy of considering this a diet. I simply consider it a healthier way of eating. I am not trying to lose weight, some are, and that is fine for them, but to imply that this is a "diet" in the practical sense seems disturbing to me when I also share the fact that my children are on this diet as well. But then I think of the facts- we are all on a diet in one form or another. Mine was previously the Standard American Diet (SAD) and it was chock full of thought, decision-making, and meal-planning and execution. This new diet, is full of the same processes with just different ingredients. I choose to cut out processed foods and inferior forms of nutrition as staples of my family diet.

Will I ever eat pasta or rice again? Yes, of course. I haven't had any in two and a half weeks, and I can honestly say I do not miss it yet. Am I feeding my children enough carbohydrates? I take special considerations for their diets and I trust my knowledge and research into the matter. It is not to be taken lightly, but I know that this is a definite improvement from the previous norm around here. I have always been conscious and dedicated to feeding them good food, but I know more now and I have to make educated decisions based on the new information I have. Yes, in part it has to do with nutrionism, but I also understand that the science behind nutrition is a relatively young science and information changes often. We don't have to look very hard into recent food history to see how the research changes. So for now, I see the basics of the Paleo way of eating to be the most closely related to my intuition of what wholesome food for my family is. I am not considering myself to be bonded to restrictions, I see it as being dedicated to healthy choices that allow my family to grow and thrive in the best way possible. This is my job, after all. I only have one chance.

Update and easy paleo recipe: Italian Sausage and Spaghetti Squash

Mmm... I've been enjoying all the food that comes along with healthier eating just as much as I have enjoyed the not so good for you foods that I was eating way too often. I probably spend way too much time looking for foods and recipes that I want to eat but I think it's time well spent because the payoff is worth it.

Quick update on this journey. It wasn't supposed to be a diet, per se, but it turned into weight loss! I knew that if I cut things out like my over indulgences in the comfort foods, I would feel better and not gain, but I didn't really know what "feeling better" meant, or that I would see results so quickly. I should have taken a before and after, I still haven't, and I didn't even think of weighing myself. I went to a doctor's appointment about a month and a half ago and I weighed 123 or 121 (I have a terrible memory, so let's just say it was 122!). So I weighed 122, which is about 6lbs more than I did before I had my 8 1/2 month old baby, and I was feeling like my love handles were bigger than ever. I didn't mind the extra curves, Erik was liking them more than ever (ha!), but I was starting to feel unproportioned- and that is what I was starting to hate. My double chin didn't really help me either, but I was just going along with it. I did start to cut my portions down a little before I even started eating cleaner, because at times I was eating as much as Erik and even found myself shoveling handfuls of food in my mouth, after dinner, while I was cleaning up the kitchen. Not a pretty sight. Anywho, so I went to the doctor on Saturday and they took my weight. I was 113! I couldn't believe it. I had been telling a few friends about how I noticed my love handles had shrunk considerably, and that I felt my stomach wasn't as big- but man, I was shocked. By no means am I starving myself, I eat a lot still, but I know it is because I am eating better. I do not want to lose more weight, I have never been focused on a number, but I don't want to be the skinny kid I was all my life before kids. I just want to feel proportioned and healthy! I sure am starting to feel that way. I now officially know what it means to have MORE ENERGY. It is such a difference to wake up in the morning and not feel exhausted still! I am going to stick to my clean eating and I'm sure I will feel better and better.

Posted a recipe on Instagram (follow me I'm @beekum) today and thought I'd share it here since a friend asked. Super easy and off the top of my head and it was still delicious!

Italian Sausage and Spaghetti Squash 



Need: 
pack of italian sausage - I chose sweet because I am paleo with children
bell peppers - any color will do
garlic
shallots or onion
olive or coconut oil
spaghetti squash
salt
pepper
garlic powder

Do:
For Sausage:: Grill, bake, or pan fry sausage. I didn't want to get the grill out so I pan fried my sausage. I cooked just enough to be able to slice through into pieces. I removed sausages and sliced them, meanwhile I added coconut oil and began sauteeing red bell peppers, shallots and garlic in same pan. Cook the bell peppers for a while to soften them enough, then add shallots and garlic for last few minutes. After the bell peppers, shallots and garlic have cooked for a bit, add the sliced sausages back in and cook on moderately high heat. I like mine to be a little crispy around the edges. Cook until desired crispy deliciousness is achieved! 

For squash:: Preheat oven to 350. Slice spaghetti squash lengthwise, scoop out all seeds and mush like you would on a pumpkin. Place both halves face down on an oiled (with coconut oil or olive oil) baking sheet or in a baking pan works, too. Roast for about an hour or until cooked depending on the size of your squash. I added a few tablespoons of water about halfway through to get some steam action going. You can tell it is cooked when it looks kinda translucent and you can shred easily with a fork. Shred contents of squash into a bowl or pan. I shred into a bowl and added salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Done! If you wanted, you can do anything with this like stir fry it longer in a pan with desired ingredients- so versatile! Best served IMMEDIATELY, while still hot.

Then, throw your tasty meal onto a plate and devour until the cows come home. To get slaughtered. For tomorrow's steak.


Hope you like it!

paleo primal - best diet ever

"I'm on a diet," I said in an uncertain voice to a family member as she handed me the comically large serving spoon. The smell of the fresh homemade potato salad danced gracefully upon my olfactory receptors. I took my daughter's plate of leftover dried out hamburger meat, cut into toddler portions, and began to eat them. Eye on the prize, Rebecca, I told myself, eye on the prize. It's just potato salad. I mean, that was probably the first time I had ever turned down fresh potato salad, but I had to keep things in perspective. It was just one party, one day, one encounter. Was it really that hard? No. It was hard for about the four or five seconds I considered just having a little. But I did it.

Okay, so right off the bat you might be thinking this couldn't possibly turn into the "best diet ever" post I shouted from the rooftops last night. Yeah, that was me. No, I wasn't drunk. Don't let my prosaic intro set a dismal mood, however. Because we gotta be honest, any type of diet or lifestyle change, as this diet is often seen, always comes with some sort of change. I had to start somewhere, and that was my first public demonstration of my commitment to better health.

So what is this diet? It goes by a few names such as the Paleo diet, Paleolithic diet, Caveman diet, Primal diet, and a few others I'm sure. I refer to it as Paleo for both descriptive and comedic purposes. We crack a lot of jokes about it around here, that seems to be the way we deal with everything these days.

So, what are the basics? I will make this as simple as possible, because that is what attracted me to it. It is called the Paleo diet because it is supposed to closely mimic our hunter-gatherer ancestors. There is a whole slew of science related research to backup this premise, which I won't get into, but I will provide links to at the end of the post in case you are interested. I just don't have time to get into it myself. I am still reading a little every day though, and have been tweaking the diet to fit my needs, which I will also explain. Anyway, so the basic idea is to eat little to NO Processed Foods. That is what reeled me in. I am a big whole foods advocate by nature, but I found myself in the same place many people do, feeding my family more and more out of convenience. That will be another post in itself. In addition to the cutting of processed foods, we are cutting out Grains in every way shape or form. If you are cutting out processed foods, you end up cutting out a huge portion of grains you were consuming, almost without knowing it. Okay, so the basic foods are Meat and Fish, Vegetables, Fruits, Nuts, eggs, and a few additions and exceptions. Some people include dairy, which I will in very small occasional amounts. Some also include legumes, but most agree that if you do, the cooking process needs special attention such as soaking and sprouting your beans. None of the canned, sodium filled, BPA exposed stuff you find in the store.

So, that's basically it. It is all about clean eating, really. I plan on writing about this new lifestyle change for my family. So far, I feel great, I have only had one slip up- but I am not taking on any negative thoughts when it comes to food. It is about providing myself and my loved ones with the BEST food I can. What can be negative about that? It is not as though I will never eat a bowl of pasta again, or that we will never have another pizza night movie party. We just will not make those things anything even close to a regular part of our diet.

Like I said, this is the best diet I have ever been on. Okay, it is the first, but it makes sense to me. I have been making great food, and so far, so good. Here are some examples of meals I've made, followed by pictures. There are dinners and snacks. The tiny portions are the kids plates. I eat a lot more than that. I will keep track of the recipes I make, too. Most of these are just off the top of my head or a slightly altered recipe I've made before to fit our needs.

*Wild Cod, steamed broccoli, and salad w/avocado and tomato
*Rolled fresh deli turkey with organic carrot stick
*All Natural italian sausage and peppers, and a spinach salad w/avocado, tomato and garlic olive oil dressing
*Six Vegetable chicken soup - with Green beans, red bell pepper, butternut squash, carrot, zucchini, and onion. I added some fresh cilantro and avocado on top. Free-Range chicken.
*Romaine salad w/ avocado, strawberry, cilantro, garlic olive oil dressing, and fresh turkey.
*Turkey roll up with fresh raspberries and strawberries
*All Natural Andouille sausage, tomato slices and brussel sprout chips
*Bacon, avocado, chicken wraps
*Chicken Pan roasted in white wine, garlic, and seasoning with zucchini, and prosciutto wrapped asparagus
*Breakfast berries - Blueberries, Raspberries, and Strawberries
-Not pictured- We've had lots of omelets and scrambles with a variety of veggies. Yesterday I made grilled steak with cauliflower mash, salad, roasted green beans, and a fried egg.




Here are some links to more information about this diet. I don't necessarily agree with every single thing these people talk about or do, but it is a good source of information on the basics and they give a lot links for further reading:
Why I Eat Paleo
The Beginner's Guide to the Paleo Diet
What Is the Paleo Diet?

Let me know what you think! I am still excited, and I am enjoying the food I'm making more than ever, because I know EXACTLY what I am eating and what I am feeding these precious loves of mine.

Goodbye Summer- Quick update

I honestly plan on writing something every few days, but it is quite hard to find the time to sit and focus on this sort of writing when I'm busy scheduling assignments for homeschool, planning meals, and just taking care of the day-to-day stuff around here. No complaints on my end, just wanted to share my intention. I am going to renew my commitment though, because I have a lot to share with family and friends. Life is good around here, not perfect of course, but it is pretty damn good. I would like to do all the bragging about how awesome my girls are as well as admit how ugly I feel on those days when I want to slip into a coma due to lack of oxygen from yelling at the little rebels.

On a seasonal note, summer is slowly coming to an end. I can feel the degrees, dropping off the thermometer like the leaves will soon be dropping off the trees. I thought I'd share a few of my favorite moments of summer that I actually caught on camera. I need to be better about including me and dad in the pics but here are some of my faves.

Roslyn's 2nd birthday special dinner with her favorite animal friends

Our first camping trip at Lopez Lake

Baby Keira started crawling and she's fast.

Pismo Beach for another year of our camping tradition

lots of outdoor activities this summer - emme's manuscript practice

Our first day of homeschool for our first year!

First foods for Keira

all four of my precious girls

all four of them again for a birthday morning surprise for Luciana, who turned 8 this summer.

On the beach

my oldest child and my brother's oldest child on 4th of July

we did so much nature art this summer, it was great

the girls spent way too many weekends at their papa's house. I think he had a little too much.

so much water play this summer!

it seems like they got wet every day

tin foil river

roslyn's birthday breakfast

dad and I went out way more than we ever have, but we had some good one on one date nights

we had a backyard campout and with a little more planning, we may try this again one day

nature collage by my 3 year old. I think she has a good eye

more nature art in our art journals.

Sorry for the pic heavy post, but I thought they all summed up the summer pretty  nicely. We had so much time outdoors, doing art, getting wet, playing, getting dirty, eating good food, traveling a bit, lots of lazy long days watching movies, and so much more. This summer was our first as a complete family of 6 and I think it will only get better as the girls are all able to enjoy everything together. I am looking forward to fall, but this summer was probably one of the best of my life.

mama magic

I wrote the post below a week ago, but didn't get around to posting it. Thought I would post it so it wouldn't go to waste.

I can't believe the weather. We just skipped right over spring weather and went straight to the heat. Yes, I know it will get even more hot as the weeks go on, but I must say I am disappointed in this sorry-excuse-for-a-spring-season weather. It makes me want to move even more. The days for going outside were so limited this year. If I want to take all the girls somewhere, or even just outside, I have to do it extra early. If we go out in the evening, we become mosquito dinner. Yikes. I guess this summer will be a lot of indoor activities, because I hate taking babies out into the heat.

I need a patio, stat. It would be nice to have breakfast and maybe even a late, bug repellant included dinner outside this summer. Don't get me wrong, I love picnics. That will be our go-to activity I'm sure. I still remember picnics with my mother. Amazing how she could pull out anything from a bag and it would taste wonderful, just because she handed it to me. I still have this vague memory of an authentic picnic basket, too. I wonder what happened to it. I need one. It adds a special bit of magic. I need to remember the magic I have, as a mother. I get so BUSY. I forget that no one will ever be able to uncover the simple beauty of moments for my children better than I can. So many children in this world don't get to experience the magic, so I have to be mindful of creating as many special moments as I can for my girls. Time goes by so quickly. My 7 yr old would probably start looking for her own apartment if given the chance. I need to focus on creating a little bit of childhood magic, every day. I will. I am.

Here are a few magical moments we had recently:

 

Another recent backyard picnic

 

Pretty food is tasty food

 

See, all gone!

 

Happy girl

 

A special weekday dinner

 

Even daddy can create little magical moments

Hope everyone has a great weekend. 

nap time

#2: Mama, who was that man that used the bathroom?

Me: That was a man from a company who fixed things on our house.

#2: Well, why did he use the bathroom? Did he have to pee?

Me: Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure he needed to.

#2: Did you see his butt? 

Half of my day is over, half still needs to be lived. The first half was morning routine, a little outdoor time, mini-meals which seem to happen every 45 minutes, lots of cleaning, ordering from the Schwan's home delivery guy, and a few nursing sessions with the baby. Funny thing I realized, I usually clean the front part of the house first. I am guessing I have been subconsciously doing this in case I have surprise visitors. You never know when there may be a knock at the door, ya know? I'll get to the second half in chunks of free time.


I've been thinking a lot about homeschool again, and I feel this conviction to address it. I think this summer we will start dabbling in more home education. I have a passion for it, I have to admit. There are so many different methods. I feel like a kid in a candy store, deciding which ideas I will expose my children to. Imagine that. Being responsible for the concepts, theories and ideas that my children learn about. I am wondering why I don't know one person who has homeschooled their child or was a  homeschooled child themselves. I have been wanting to do it for so long, and I don't want to have any regrets about something so momentous in a child's upbringing. I can do it.

I have a mental to-do list a mile long. Maybe I should write it down.

#1 got her art journal, finally. If she had a good day at school, I think I will take them all outside this evening to journal a bit. I want to enjoy these days. I can't wait until the weekend to take things slow with these babies of mine. I need to slow down. I should take my own advice. 

it's over

Today was just one of those days. I start to feel overwhelmed, I text him. It's only 10:05am "I'm slowly becoming overwhelmed," I say. But he's working. The next text I get from him is at 3:48pm, "Be home at 5, got a ride." The universe just throws me a hand now and then, and it comes in little less obvious forms sometimes.

I woke up to the sound of #1 busting out of her room at 630ish. The door gets jammed, we should fix that. She dragged her Hannah Montana blanket out with her. Ol' Hannah. Glad we grew out of that phase in one piece. She laid on the couch next to me and #4, sleeping soundly. Out of all the room on the huge couch, she still wants to be next to us.

Within a minute, #2 follows her big sister's trail but veers off in her usual, somewhat obsessive, direction. I hear the familiar sound of a soda can being checked for remaining fluid. "HA, got you," I think to myself. "Get out of the kitchen" I say from the couch in the loud but still not quite yelling voice I have been perfecting. I try to sound as serious and stern as dad, but still hold back in fear of being too harsh over something so innocent, as almost all of their actions are rationalized by me. Or so I hear. "Mama, I'm so starving, I really am, please I can't wait," right on cue. "You'll be okay for a few minutes," I take a lesson from dad, once again. She sits and asks for Scooby-Doo, again.

I lay still until I send #1 off to get ready from my small cocoon that #4 keeps me in. She's like a magnet for snuggles. Just as expected, I soon hear the familiar "Maaama!" coming from #3 because her sister is in the bathroom, which shares a wall with her room. Maybe we should move her crib to the other side. Nah, she'd probably learn to open the window and crawl out. She loves being outside.

My day was beautiful because they were all a part of it. This is another page in my story. I tended to their wounds today, 3 of them have what I call, active wounds. #1 has this bug-bite-gone-awry, #3 busted her chin while standing on a kid's ikea stool apparently reaching for the sky, and #2 found a mark on her body after a long search just so she could get some of my TLC, too. Of course I gave it to her.

Sometimes I have to take a few deep breaths because there are four of them, needing me at once. Not just someone, but me. Attention. I am practicing the art of dividing it, keeping it quality, and enjoying it. This is it. That was my day.

I love them. Tonight they sleep, tomorrow they will wake. We will do a very similar routine, but I will smile at each expected turn.

everything to everyone

We all have those "A-ha!" moments. You know, it happens when we are driving, when we are deep in thought, or even just by hearing someone else say it. All of a sudden a light switch gets turned on and we have this new idea or new perspective on things. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they are sad, and sometimes they are life-changing. These are special experiences, no matter where they stem from. It is in these moments that we might be able to actually FEEL ourselves grow. As people, as friends, as partners, as parents, or whatever the case may be.

So, obviously this is leading up to one of my A-ha! moments, right?

the mothering muscle

It's been two months since I've posted anything, and I can't believe the time has gone by so fast.

Baby Keira was born on January 18. She was born at 36 weeks which is a whole month early. I had the intention of posting a birth story, but maybe because it was such an exhausting ordeal that I haven't. I will say though, that it wasn't the labor and delivery that was the hardest for me, it was the fact that she had to stay in the NICU for about a week. Fortunately, everything turned out okay and she has no serious long term health effects that we need to worry about. She just needed that extra week in the NICU to mature. She's home, safe and sound.

introducing *Keira Isela* - here she was at about 5 days old

pregnancy update: week 35

I'm supposed to be laying down right now, but here I am at the computer.

On Wednesday I went in to labor and delivery at the hospital because I had been having contractions since about 4am. These were far more painful than the ones I had previously complained about. I thought it was go time! After waiting around for about five hours, I finally decided to go in. They weren't necessarily getting stronger or closer together, but my Dr. thought it would be a good idea, so off I went. They hooked me up to the monitors and did a cervical check. I was only 1cm dilated and about 80% effaced. These contractions weren't doing much though, and they had decreased in frequency and intensity quite a bit since the morning. I could still feel them though. The nurse said I had an "irritable uterus" and could be in the beginning stages of labor, so the Dr. wanted me to to take the terbutaline shots again. Again! I just didn't want to. I hate to go against what my Dr. says, but sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and trust your body. I have had 3 children, and been through 3 labors so I feel like I know my body pretty well when it comes to this. At this stage, I knew my body was gearing down, and things weren't progressing. So, I basically said I didn't want the shot. She said she would just call my Dr. and let him know. So she came back and said that as long as I rested and drank lots of water, I could go home without the shot. I just didn't see any point in stopping these weak contractions that weren't doing anything. If my uterus was irritable, I would calm it down by staying off my feet and not getting worked up about anything (like my crazy kids who have been driving me up the walls the last few days). I still had some contractions the last few days, but its mostly when I get up and do things. Yesterday I had the chance to relax all day, but getting up to make dinner and clean a little did actually set them off. So, I can totally feel this irritable uterus thing at work. I'm trying to stay off my feet as much as possible, and I am trying to stay calm. I will be 36 weeks on Wednesday, so my Dr wants me to hold her in a little bit longer if I can. I have an appointment on Monday with him, so we can check her position and we can discuss this in further detail. I will update then!

I have been neglecting this blog and haven't even cracked into the new one I made. I have been battling in my mind over what I want to do with them. Do I want to combine them? Focus only on the personal one for now, or go ahead with my original plan of separating content? It all comes down to time, for now. I'm just focusing on getting things ready for the baby and keeping myself healthy until its time. So, don't count me out just yet!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

pregnancy update: week 34

Let's get right to it. Same format as previous weeks, this is gathered information from 3 top pregnancy information sites for the 34th week of pregnancy.

pregnancy update: week 33

I skipped a week of updates because the Christmas holiday took everything out of me. I'm still recovering. But now, I'm back on track and ready to face these last few days of the year and the last few weeks of pregnancy head on.

This marks 33 weeks of pregnancy for me. Again, just like in my pregnancy update: week 31, I decided to condense the most important info from a few major sites so we wouldn't have to all go looking for information in a million different places. So here we goooo!!

Baby's Development -
From Babycenter.com:

• baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (about that of a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark
•  rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and skeleton is hardening
•  bones in skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier to fit through the birth canal

From WhatToExpect.com:

• still gaining weight at about half a pound a week
• could grow up to an inch this week
• amniotic-fluid level has maxed out
• antibodies are being passed from you to your little one as she continues to develop her own fetal immune system

From I-Am-Pregnant.com:

• with the exception of crying, your baby is capable of doing everything that a newborn baby will do
• baby sleeps a lot of the time
• when your baby is awake, she is listening, feeling and learning
• baby will probably have settled into the birth position by now and your caregiver can most likely tell which way your baby is presenting
• if baby were to be born now, the lungs would probably be strong enough to function properly, but baby may still need extra care from specially trained doctors and nurses
• baby's eyes open during alert times and close during sleep
• eye color is usually blue, regardless of the permanent color as pigmentation is not fully developed

Mother's Development -
From Babycenter.com:

• you may find yourself waddling
• finding an easy position to sit in — let alone sleep — is becoming more of a challenge
• you may be feeling some achiness and even numbness in your fingers, wrists, and hands

 From WhatToExpect.com:

• third-trimester insomnia strikes about three-quarters of pregnant women
• third-trimester fatigue can sometimes trigger headaches
• if your belly is aching when you change positions or get up suddenly, you could be suffering from round ligament pain
• pregnancy hormones can make nails grow faster but can also cause them to become brittle
• your belly button may have popped out by now
• may experience shortness of breath because of your growing belly
• a bigger belly means a shift in your center of gravity and that can spell clumsiness
• forgetfulness may be present, and studies show that women who are pregnant with girls tend to experience this more
• braxton-hicks contractions may continue up until actual labor

From I-Am-Pregnant.com

• most women experience an increased urge to urinate
• your uterus has actually grown 500 times throughout your pregnancy
• red blood cell production catches up with the production of plasma and physiological anemia may begin to fade at this time

For me, I think mostly everything is true. My biggest complaints this week are peeing 300 times a day, 3 times a night, and this awful heartburn. But, I was reading online and a natural remedy for heartburn is chewing gum. They say the increased saliva production from chewing gum helps neutralize acid, and last night, it totally worked for me! I was so happy.

When I went to the doctor last week, he said the baby is sideways again, not head down like the week before, so a c-section could still be on the table. He also mentioned trying to turn the baby himself but I don't even want to get into that mode of thinking until we confirm next week with another ultrasound. If she hasn't moved by that point, we will discuss options.

I have this weird feeling that something is going to happen soon. I have been having a lot of cramps and some consistent contractions lately. I wouldn't be surprised to find I was dilated if he decides to do an exam. I have been in a lot more pain, of course, because I'm getting bigger and bigger. The hardest thing to do in the world is just to GET UP from a sitting or laying position. Once I'm up, it only hurts for a few minutes, but the actual process of getting up hurts like hell. Rolling over in bed is traumatic sometimes, if I am not paying attention to every small movement I make. And standing or walking too much? Forget it! I know I need to keep moving a little, but yesterday I made dinner and I was standing for probably two hours in the kitchen. My stomach was hard as a rock for an hour after and I could barely enjoy my dinner because everything was hurting so much.

I know, its all complaining. I can't help it. I'm miserable. BUT, we are looking forward to a new baby. We still find it hard to believe that another unique combination of us is going to be born in the next month or so, and how it is going to feel fitting her into our family. We can't wait.

So, that's it for now. I think my next post might be on baby names, that should be fun. Good luck to all the pregnant mamas reading this, and I hope things go smoothly from here on out. Try to rest, I'll be wishing I could!

slightly radical christmas??

Okay, so remember my post about our radical christmas? Feel free to read it again and rub it in my face. I'm still sticking by my values, don't get me wrong. We aren't spending a ton of money on toys they will barely play with and break. We are just doing a compromise. Yeah, I can blame it on Mr. Handsome here, and say he wasn't really feeling the whole exclusively-handmade Christmas from the beginning. I mean, he liked a few of the ideas, but I think he felt slightly excluded and I'm not absolutely positive, but maybe the fact that I hadn't been able to find time to start even one gift yet and Christmas is next week. Maybe that had something to do with it? My bad. So, this Christmas will still be kind of different. We aren't going overboard, I'm still making a few gifts. Don't judge me too hard. I'm the first one to admit when I've promised too much. Unless you're a credit card company, then I might leave you hanging for a while. Ha!

pregnancy update: week 31

Even though this is my 4th pregnancy and I know what to expect for the most part, I still like to read about the development of the baby and what's happening with my body. I use all sorts of resources. I skip around from site to site and see if they all say the same thing, or if anyone can tell me something new or different than the last. I'm willing to bet I'm not alone, so I thought this week I'd gather up some unique information from a few sites and put them all in one place. I did not repeat information shared on two or more sites.

forget Big Brother, this is Big Mother.

This is a post about censorship and mind control. Read on.

Luciana at her first concert, signing the Jonas Brothers' Bus.

Never thought that I'd be one of those old people muttering about "kids these days and their music". But, alas, I am. No, I don't really care if you want to fill your head with the gospel of Lil' Wayne or the lyrical insight of Katy Perry. Do your thug thizzle (that's gangster talk for 'do your thing', in case you were confused). I just can't stand the thought of my 7yr old daughter's fascination with all things "mainstream", especially music.

pregnancy update: week 30

 Pregnant women! They had that weird frisson, an aura of magic that combined awkwardly with an earthy sense of duty. Mundane, because they were nothing unique on the suburban streets; ethereal because their attention was ever somewhere else. Whatever you said was trivial. And they had that preciousness which they imposed wherever they went, compelling attention, constantly reminding you that they carried the future inside, its contours already drawn, but veiled, private, an inner secret.
-- Ruth Morgan

I've had an interesting past few days, as far as my pregnancy is concerned. On Thursday morning, I took a solo trip to Walmart to pick up some ingredients so I could make my sick little babies some homemade chicken soup. Of course, I ended up buying way more than I intended. This means I spent more time walking through the huge store. About halfway through my journey, I noticed that my stomach kept getting tight, like I was having contractions.

pregnancy update: week 29

I know on my last pregnancy related post I promised that I didn't like to complain too much. But if I can't complain here, on my own blog, to you, dear readers, who the heck can I complain too? Nobody else wants to hear it. Besides, pregnancy gives us so many excuses, doesn't it? I think so. You don't want to argue with a pregnant woman.

So, it's week 29 and I'm right in the thick of pregnancy hell. You know, the pregnancy hell that punishes us for all our pregnancy sins. Sins like eating too much, eating too late in the day, eating the wrong foods, doing too much around the house, walking or standing too long, and other sins of the maternal flesh. Even though this is the fourth time I've been through this, I always wait until its too late to repent. Now, I'm suffering the consequences. Pray for me. I am trying to still hold on to the beautiful part of this journey. I feel it most when I lay, alone, and feel the little one moving around. She needs me.

adventures in self-hood: volume 1

This attempt at writing about myself has been brewing inside me for quite some time. Years, maybe, but I started writing it back in September. It is a commentary on a tale of a personal evolution, one that progressed without the realization that it was even happening. Then, when I realized it was in fact happening, it was here. I changed. I grew. Of course I understand that this process will not stop here. I am experimenting with who I am still. I am like a ball of clay in the hands of those closest to me. I am being molded in many directions. Sometimes, like a only a surreal Dali painting might be able to capture, my own slender hands extend from the ball of clay and I attempt to mold myself. I am still growing with them. It's quite the adventure.

weaning a one year old

Every nursing relationship eventually comes to an end. Weaning an infant under one year of age is different than weaning an older baby or toddler. In this post, I am talking about weaning an older baby or toddler and when that time comes, so many different emotions can come into play. These emotions may range from negative emotions like resentment, apprehension, sadness, guilt or they may also include positive emotions like relief, pride, a sense of accomplishment and a sense of closure.

 Maternity - Pablo Picasso

When you start the weaning process, things can be easy or they can be downright difficult and seem impossible. After successfully nursing 3 children for a combined total of about 4 years, I can definitely say that every experience is different. These are a few things I have learned in my varied experiences, with very different babies.