my mother, this woman.

I know my mother. I know her very well, perhaps sometimes better than she knows herself. I have been her student all of my life. I have studied her, the way my children study me. I can visualize the way she sits, and the way she laughs when she finds something exceptionally funny. She closes her eyes tight, and covers her mouth with her hand. She always tears up when she laughs really hard. She proceeds to wipe her eyes while the laughing slowly subsides, but it often starts up again. I can see her in my mind, the way she eats, methodically handling her utensils in a pattern I'm not even sure she realizes exists. I have all these mental pictures I hope that I can keep forever. Especially because I know the way that thoughts of my grandma make her cry. She misses her mother. I will one day, as well. I hope that I will always have the picture in my mind's eye- of her fluffing her bangs, and applying her lipstick. "Even just a little bit of lipstick goes a long way", she'd tell me. I can still see her putting it on, the way she shapes her mouth. As a young girl this was the bulk of my mother's beauty regimen. Sure there were little jars and tubes with beauty masks and other magical potions, not to mention the crazy contraptions like tweezers and eyelash curlers that every little girl horrifically discovers. Or maybe it was just me. Fascinated, yet apprehensive that these things were really valuable or necessary. Perhaps it was her natural approach to beauty however, that inspired my own. All she needed to feel beautiful was lipstick most of the time. And she was. I can still remember when she would wear shorts, she had the most beautiful legs. I still remember sitting in the front seat of one of her cars and noticing how smooth her skin was. Her beautiful brown skin. I inherited my father's light skin color, but I've always been drawn to this beautiful shade of brown that I was nurtured by. Perhaps that is why I ended up with a man who has a similar shade of skin, and also explains why I was so touched when my youngest baby was born with the same beautiful color. In a world where skin color represents and has dictated many things, for me it means beauty- it always has. I identify with it at a basic, almost spiritual level because it is the backdrop from which my life story began and it is here in which it continues.  

I've been wanting to write about this force in my life for quite some time. My mother, this woman. Although my parents were divorced since I was young, I was lucky enough to have both of them in my life on an extremely regular basis. As an adult, I can see the impact and force that they've had in my life, and I can see how their contributions to my person-hood are reflected in my choices. For example, if it weren't for my parents I wouldn't have been looking for a home to buy, on my own at age 25. My dad contributed in the sense that he taught me how to build my credit, and protect it. He was the practical force he should have been- and prepared me for the option of being a homeowner. My mother on the other hand, was the less obvious force. At a time when the economy was volatile and most people were wondering if purchasing real estate was the right decision, she pushed me with a simple idea that she has always made a part of her own modus operandi. She encouraged me to take a risk in life, and that if I always err on the side of caution that I might miss out on exceptional opportunities. Life is too short for that. I understood. And here I am. Lucky enough to have a beautiful home with lots of space and in a safe area to raise my children. I have a terrible memory but these memories of her are so vivid. I still remember what it felt like to snuggle in her bed, or her nest, as we called it. I remember reading Steinbeck and Hemingway, tucked under her wing at a very young age. She always made a conscious effort to expose us to ideas of culture and encourage our intellectual development. I owe my own intentional notions of motherhood to her.

I am always aware of the impact I have on my own daughters. I know they are my students, the same way that I was hers, and still am to a degree. Because of this- I am able to see that the decisions I make everyday matter to them now, and in their future. As parents, no matter how old our children are- even when they are grown- even if we are not required to "parent" them anymore- our decisions and actions will continue to affect them, at an exceptional level. Our presence or absence in their lives as children and adults, through death or by choice will send them messages about themselves, their worth as individuals, and their place in the world. The relationships we have with them, around them, and even without them will impact the way they raise and love their own children. This is why the responsibility of parenting is so enormous, it truly never ends. Things may not always be picture perfect, people are not capable of being perfect, and we all make a varying degree of poor choices- but as we grow and learn we have to reflect on the value of the outcomes we create for our children. Just like my mother contributed to my life and the development of my character, we are all doing the same for our children for the rest of our lives.

Today is my mother's birthday. A few years shy of 60, I know her life is in an entirely different place than it was when I was born, but she still loves me. She is still around, when she could be anywhere. She has always been a free spirit sort of woman, always wanting to move and discover and live fully- but her roots have kept her anchored. Now, she is more anchored than ever, because she is raising one of my nephews. In her fifties, this woman had to start all over again. She does it out of love, but it isn't easy. Yet she does it. She sacrifices. That takes strength and selflessness. She is still teaching me lessons, and I imagine she will always do so.

So on this day, I say not only Happy Birthday to my beautiful mother, I say thank you, I love you, and I know you. My sensitive, smart, and loving mother.

The Paleo Way-leo

After reading my first post, I thought I jumped the gun a little. I intended to do a quick intro of a new way of healthy eating and I presented it like this new diet I found. I think my problem comes with the word "diet". I have never been on a diet, nor had I ever thought I would follow one. I still don't want to put in the mental energy of considering this a diet. I simply consider it a healthier way of eating. I am not trying to lose weight, some are, and that is fine for them, but to imply that this is a "diet" in the practical sense seems disturbing to me when I also share the fact that my children are on this diet as well. But then I think of the facts- we are all on a diet in one form or another. Mine was previously the Standard American Diet (SAD) and it was chock full of thought, decision-making, and meal-planning and execution. This new diet, is full of the same processes with just different ingredients. I choose to cut out processed foods and inferior forms of nutrition as staples of my family diet.

Will I ever eat pasta or rice again? Yes, of course. I haven't had any in two and a half weeks, and I can honestly say I do not miss it yet. Am I feeding my children enough carbohydrates? I take special considerations for their diets and I trust my knowledge and research into the matter. It is not to be taken lightly, but I know that this is a definite improvement from the previous norm around here. I have always been conscious and dedicated to feeding them good food, but I know more now and I have to make educated decisions based on the new information I have. Yes, in part it has to do with nutrionism, but I also understand that the science behind nutrition is a relatively young science and information changes often. We don't have to look very hard into recent food history to see how the research changes. So for now, I see the basics of the Paleo way of eating to be the most closely related to my intuition of what wholesome food for my family is. I am not considering myself to be bonded to restrictions, I see it as being dedicated to healthy choices that allow my family to grow and thrive in the best way possible. This is my job, after all. I only have one chance.

Update and easy paleo recipe: Italian Sausage and Spaghetti Squash

Mmm... I've been enjoying all the food that comes along with healthier eating just as much as I have enjoyed the not so good for you foods that I was eating way too often. I probably spend way too much time looking for foods and recipes that I want to eat but I think it's time well spent because the payoff is worth it.

Quick update on this journey. It wasn't supposed to be a diet, per se, but it turned into weight loss! I knew that if I cut things out like my over indulgences in the comfort foods, I would feel better and not gain, but I didn't really know what "feeling better" meant, or that I would see results so quickly. I should have taken a before and after, I still haven't, and I didn't even think of weighing myself. I went to a doctor's appointment about a month and a half ago and I weighed 123 or 121 (I have a terrible memory, so let's just say it was 122!). So I weighed 122, which is about 6lbs more than I did before I had my 8 1/2 month old baby, and I was feeling like my love handles were bigger than ever. I didn't mind the extra curves, Erik was liking them more than ever (ha!), but I was starting to feel unproportioned- and that is what I was starting to hate. My double chin didn't really help me either, but I was just going along with it. I did start to cut my portions down a little before I even started eating cleaner, because at times I was eating as much as Erik and even found myself shoveling handfuls of food in my mouth, after dinner, while I was cleaning up the kitchen. Not a pretty sight. Anywho, so I went to the doctor on Saturday and they took my weight. I was 113! I couldn't believe it. I had been telling a few friends about how I noticed my love handles had shrunk considerably, and that I felt my stomach wasn't as big- but man, I was shocked. By no means am I starving myself, I eat a lot still, but I know it is because I am eating better. I do not want to lose more weight, I have never been focused on a number, but I don't want to be the skinny kid I was all my life before kids. I just want to feel proportioned and healthy! I sure am starting to feel that way. I now officially know what it means to have MORE ENERGY. It is such a difference to wake up in the morning and not feel exhausted still! I am going to stick to my clean eating and I'm sure I will feel better and better.

Posted a recipe on Instagram (follow me I'm @beekum) today and thought I'd share it here since a friend asked. Super easy and off the top of my head and it was still delicious!

Italian Sausage and Spaghetti Squash 



Need: 
pack of italian sausage - I chose sweet because I am paleo with children
bell peppers - any color will do
garlic
shallots or onion
olive or coconut oil
spaghetti squash
salt
pepper
garlic powder

Do:
For Sausage:: Grill, bake, or pan fry sausage. I didn't want to get the grill out so I pan fried my sausage. I cooked just enough to be able to slice through into pieces. I removed sausages and sliced them, meanwhile I added coconut oil and began sauteeing red bell peppers, shallots and garlic in same pan. Cook the bell peppers for a while to soften them enough, then add shallots and garlic for last few minutes. After the bell peppers, shallots and garlic have cooked for a bit, add the sliced sausages back in and cook on moderately high heat. I like mine to be a little crispy around the edges. Cook until desired crispy deliciousness is achieved! 

For squash:: Preheat oven to 350. Slice spaghetti squash lengthwise, scoop out all seeds and mush like you would on a pumpkin. Place both halves face down on an oiled (with coconut oil or olive oil) baking sheet or in a baking pan works, too. Roast for about an hour or until cooked depending on the size of your squash. I added a few tablespoons of water about halfway through to get some steam action going. You can tell it is cooked when it looks kinda translucent and you can shred easily with a fork. Shred contents of squash into a bowl or pan. I shred into a bowl and added salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Done! If you wanted, you can do anything with this like stir fry it longer in a pan with desired ingredients- so versatile! Best served IMMEDIATELY, while still hot.

Then, throw your tasty meal onto a plate and devour until the cows come home. To get slaughtered. For tomorrow's steak.


Hope you like it!

paleo primal - best diet ever

"I'm on a diet," I said in an uncertain voice to a family member as she handed me the comically large serving spoon. The smell of the fresh homemade potato salad danced gracefully upon my olfactory receptors. I took my daughter's plate of leftover dried out hamburger meat, cut into toddler portions, and began to eat them. Eye on the prize, Rebecca, I told myself, eye on the prize. It's just potato salad. I mean, that was probably the first time I had ever turned down fresh potato salad, but I had to keep things in perspective. It was just one party, one day, one encounter. Was it really that hard? No. It was hard for about the four or five seconds I considered just having a little. But I did it.

Okay, so right off the bat you might be thinking this couldn't possibly turn into the "best diet ever" post I shouted from the rooftops last night. Yeah, that was me. No, I wasn't drunk. Don't let my prosaic intro set a dismal mood, however. Because we gotta be honest, any type of diet or lifestyle change, as this diet is often seen, always comes with some sort of change. I had to start somewhere, and that was my first public demonstration of my commitment to better health.

So what is this diet? It goes by a few names such as the Paleo diet, Paleolithic diet, Caveman diet, Primal diet, and a few others I'm sure. I refer to it as Paleo for both descriptive and comedic purposes. We crack a lot of jokes about it around here, that seems to be the way we deal with everything these days.

So, what are the basics? I will make this as simple as possible, because that is what attracted me to it. It is called the Paleo diet because it is supposed to closely mimic our hunter-gatherer ancestors. There is a whole slew of science related research to backup this premise, which I won't get into, but I will provide links to at the end of the post in case you are interested. I just don't have time to get into it myself. I am still reading a little every day though, and have been tweaking the diet to fit my needs, which I will also explain. Anyway, so the basic idea is to eat little to NO Processed Foods. That is what reeled me in. I am a big whole foods advocate by nature, but I found myself in the same place many people do, feeding my family more and more out of convenience. That will be another post in itself. In addition to the cutting of processed foods, we are cutting out Grains in every way shape or form. If you are cutting out processed foods, you end up cutting out a huge portion of grains you were consuming, almost without knowing it. Okay, so the basic foods are Meat and Fish, Vegetables, Fruits, Nuts, eggs, and a few additions and exceptions. Some people include dairy, which I will in very small occasional amounts. Some also include legumes, but most agree that if you do, the cooking process needs special attention such as soaking and sprouting your beans. None of the canned, sodium filled, BPA exposed stuff you find in the store.

So, that's basically it. It is all about clean eating, really. I plan on writing about this new lifestyle change for my family. So far, I feel great, I have only had one slip up- but I am not taking on any negative thoughts when it comes to food. It is about providing myself and my loved ones with the BEST food I can. What can be negative about that? It is not as though I will never eat a bowl of pasta again, or that we will never have another pizza night movie party. We just will not make those things anything even close to a regular part of our diet.

Like I said, this is the best diet I have ever been on. Okay, it is the first, but it makes sense to me. I have been making great food, and so far, so good. Here are some examples of meals I've made, followed by pictures. There are dinners and snacks. The tiny portions are the kids plates. I eat a lot more than that. I will keep track of the recipes I make, too. Most of these are just off the top of my head or a slightly altered recipe I've made before to fit our needs.

*Wild Cod, steamed broccoli, and salad w/avocado and tomato
*Rolled fresh deli turkey with organic carrot stick
*All Natural italian sausage and peppers, and a spinach salad w/avocado, tomato and garlic olive oil dressing
*Six Vegetable chicken soup - with Green beans, red bell pepper, butternut squash, carrot, zucchini, and onion. I added some fresh cilantro and avocado on top. Free-Range chicken.
*Romaine salad w/ avocado, strawberry, cilantro, garlic olive oil dressing, and fresh turkey.
*Turkey roll up with fresh raspberries and strawberries
*All Natural Andouille sausage, tomato slices and brussel sprout chips
*Bacon, avocado, chicken wraps
*Chicken Pan roasted in white wine, garlic, and seasoning with zucchini, and prosciutto wrapped asparagus
*Breakfast berries - Blueberries, Raspberries, and Strawberries
-Not pictured- We've had lots of omelets and scrambles with a variety of veggies. Yesterday I made grilled steak with cauliflower mash, salad, roasted green beans, and a fried egg.




Here are some links to more information about this diet. I don't necessarily agree with every single thing these people talk about or do, but it is a good source of information on the basics and they give a lot links for further reading:
Why I Eat Paleo
The Beginner's Guide to the Paleo Diet
What Is the Paleo Diet?

Let me know what you think! I am still excited, and I am enjoying the food I'm making more than ever, because I know EXACTLY what I am eating and what I am feeding these precious loves of mine.

Goodbye Summer- Quick update

I honestly plan on writing something every few days, but it is quite hard to find the time to sit and focus on this sort of writing when I'm busy scheduling assignments for homeschool, planning meals, and just taking care of the day-to-day stuff around here. No complaints on my end, just wanted to share my intention. I am going to renew my commitment though, because I have a lot to share with family and friends. Life is good around here, not perfect of course, but it is pretty damn good. I would like to do all the bragging about how awesome my girls are as well as admit how ugly I feel on those days when I want to slip into a coma due to lack of oxygen from yelling at the little rebels.

On a seasonal note, summer is slowly coming to an end. I can feel the degrees, dropping off the thermometer like the leaves will soon be dropping off the trees. I thought I'd share a few of my favorite moments of summer that I actually caught on camera. I need to be better about including me and dad in the pics but here are some of my faves.

Roslyn's 2nd birthday special dinner with her favorite animal friends

Our first camping trip at Lopez Lake

Baby Keira started crawling and she's fast.

Pismo Beach for another year of our camping tradition

lots of outdoor activities this summer - emme's manuscript practice

Our first day of homeschool for our first year!

First foods for Keira

all four of my precious girls

all four of them again for a birthday morning surprise for Luciana, who turned 8 this summer.

On the beach

my oldest child and my brother's oldest child on 4th of July

we did so much nature art this summer, it was great

the girls spent way too many weekends at their papa's house. I think he had a little too much.

so much water play this summer!

it seems like they got wet every day

tin foil river

roslyn's birthday breakfast

dad and I went out way more than we ever have, but we had some good one on one date nights

we had a backyard campout and with a little more planning, we may try this again one day

nature collage by my 3 year old. I think she has a good eye

more nature art in our art journals.

Sorry for the pic heavy post, but I thought they all summed up the summer pretty  nicely. We had so much time outdoors, doing art, getting wet, playing, getting dirty, eating good food, traveling a bit, lots of lazy long days watching movies, and so much more. This summer was our first as a complete family of 6 and I think it will only get better as the girls are all able to enjoy everything together. I am looking forward to fall, but this summer was probably one of the best of my life.

tips to tackle parenting's messes and stresses

No parent leaves the journey of parenthood unscathed by messes and stresses. This is due to the fact that no parent is perfect, no child is perfect and most of us are just trying our best! Here on my blog and other social media, I get choose to share some of the fun, sweet, and most ideal moments of my day and the lives of my children. I do so, without the disclaimer that not all our moments are stress free, and certainly not mess free! These are KIDS we're talking about here. And MY kids, whew, they are professional mess makers. While I am happy to brag about some of the habits they do have, like always taking their plates to the sink without being asked, or executing a chore so thoroughly that I often fantasize about not ever having to do that particular chore again myself - they still have their moments which on certain days blend in to minutes and hours of stresses and messes. We are a real family, of real people who have bad habits and limits.

Here are some of my Tips to Tackle Parenting's Messes and Stresses which I made into a little handy ABC's format:

1. Always think ahead - This tip can apply to almost any part of your day with children. If you want to keep things as simple as possible, try to be one step ahead of your children. Instead of waiting until they whine and cry for food, keep track of your day and offer them their meals or snacks before they become too impatient. I know that even as an adult, if I don't have food in front of my face by the time I am seriously hungry- everyone better stay two steps back, because I am liable to eat them out of sheer desperation.

2. Be organized - This might seem like a no-brainer, but I'm surprised sometimes at the lack of organization I see when it comes to having large families. This applies to both having organized PEOPLE and SPACES. Having a large family of six, I keep my kids organized by having routines! There is plenty of literature about the benefits of routines- and I say this so much it will probably be etched into my headstone, but seriously- having a routine for your children is the best gift you can give yourself and your children. Children need predictability, and you need to be in control. Proper bedtimes are a family's best friend. Also, give yourself time and find the courage to get stuff organized! This not only consists of buying all the cool containers from Ikea, or fantasizing about the most awesome storage possibilities at Target- but also in getting rid of things on a regular basis. Whether its donating, re-purposing, or selling- keep things clutter free and organized as much as possible. I can pat myself on the back because 95% of my house is organized at all times. This makes life just a liiiiitle bit easier to handle.

3. Contain yourself - Don't be afraid to use a little strategy against the kids! In the game of child vs. parent, remember, while they might be smaller, more agile, and able to fit into tiny crawl spaces - we have the resources to conquer the little rebellious angels! Muah ha ha! So, here's what we do, we use baby gates for everyone! Most of the time, the house is a free open range, a safe place to do whatever you want within limits. During certain times of the day however, the baby gates go up on various parts of the house. In the morning, it blocks the kitchen, so my racoon-skilled child doesn't eat all the forbidden foods before I even realize she's up! During naptime, the baby gate is up blocking my room, so the little noisemakers don't find their way to undue all my hard work of getting her to sleep. The BEST setup we have though, is during the evening right before dinner where they are contained to the 2 kids rooms, the hallway, and the bathroom as one big open space for them. They can go back and forth freely between those areas while I am cooking. Not only does this keep them safe from boiling pots of water, but it keeps them safe from mom's short fuse at the end of the day. Everyone wins.

4. DTD - This handy little acronym is something that comes into play for me at just the right times. No , its not do the deed, DTD is Defer to Dad! I consider myself a patient person, but like anyone else, I have limits and days where I am ready to lock my kids in the house and take off to somewhere far and secluded, like an Native American sweatlodge where I can find my inner peace and make myself one with nature. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but you know what I mean. I hope that everyone has a supportive partner in their life like I do, because this tip saves a child the day all the time! Right when I'm about to scream like a domesticated banshee, Dad steps in to take over. Try it sometime if you can!

5. Enjoy life! - Easiest one of all- and the most rewarding. Don't forget to take time to enjoy these people in your life! Your little ones are only little for so long- we don't get to do this over. So, try not to stress over the mess and the mishaps so much. Just look into their little pizza sauce stained faces and remember that even though you could be wild and free backpacking through Europe with young men clamoring for your affections- THIS is your journey, THIS is your life, and THESE CHILDREN are your most important priority.

For another look into the Messes and Stresses of Parenthood- Huggies has partnered with Poncho De Anda and Lina Amashta to put Huggies to the test during the journey of parenthood and dealing with life's messes and stresses. Parents can visit the Huggies Latino Facebook Page to read and share stories about Huggies and their experiences. There is also a chance to win a fully-stocked Huggies diaper bag! Here is a video (sorry Spanish only!) to check out Poncho de Anda and Lina Amashta in one of their parenting moments!

I was compensated for this post in collaboration with Huggies and Latina Bloggers Connect. All opinions and words are my own.

my week in pictures

Instead of saving a million photos I may never print I thought I'd make a little visual post to sum up my week. That way they'll be used for something.

 We played outside a lot this week since it has been a little cooler. I taught Roslyn how to say she will be turning two next month. I love how she uses her thumb and pointer finger to show the number two. 

 My little Kiwi is six months now, and she is starting to crawl. She found the grass today and has started to push off with her little toes. All this week we've been watching her just roll around back and forth to get ANYWHERE she wants to go. She has her own little system of circumnavigating the living room floor. 

 I took a few pictures, but the funniest thing is that she was only interested in the wipes box, as usual. She is so enchanted with it and has been for at least a month now.

 To add a mix in a little art time with our nature studies we did nature collages. This was Emme's. She loved it and was so proud of her creation.

My nephew stopped by right when we were making our tin foil river. They had so much fun floating everything from leaves to small grapefruits down it. We have the perfect front yard for tin foil rivers. I just barely had enough foil and I need to find something better for a boat. I'm thinking of fashioning some from twigs and twine. 

Well, that's about it really. I've been scouring the web for birthday party ideas for Roslyn's upcoming big day and I've also been doing the usual homeschool research. I'm getting excited about that! Luciana is still away at camp til Saturday afternoon and I can't wait to hear about all her adventures. Although she will probably leave out all the details like most kids and just say, "it was fun". 

I've got a few beauty-related posts coming up this weekend. Yes, beauty! Don't be so shocked, I was bound to jump on that band wagon, I am getting older you know! :) 

Hope everyone enjoys their Friday and the weekend!